Marigold the Mermaid (part 1)

Andrea was feeding her pet.

"Marigold! Marigold! Dinner," she called gaily as she tipped some food into the large fish tank.

A blonde head stuck itself out from the miniature castle embedded in the sandy floor. "About fuckin' time!" snapped Marigold, as she wriggled out of one of the castle windows and floated up to the top of the tank, her hair flowing behind her like tentacles. She reached out a delicate hand and caught one of the bits of chicken Andrea had just poured in. "What's this friggin' muck? Come-cheese?"

"No, it's chicken."

Marigold dropped the bit of chicken, and it slowly dropped down to the bottom of the tank. "Fuckin' stick it up yer arse. I had chicken yesterday. I need fresh vegetables with my complexion. Carrots and fucking apples and strawberries and things."

Andrea fished a few of the pieces of chicken out of the tank. They were floating on the surface like severed ears. "Ok, ok. I'll get you fruit or something."

"Good. And clean out this bastard tank. It'll stick of chicken ghoulies by this evening."

Marigold watched her human disdainfully as Andrea arranged the chicken on a plate and went into the kitchen. Running her hands through her hair, she went back to the castle to change and look at her calander. She had two consultations today, but she couldn't remember what time they were due.

At last, after what seemed like a lifetime, Andrea returned, with a selection of finely chopped fruits and salad - pineapple, cucumber, carrots, peaches and bananas. Marigold heaved herself out of the tank and perched on the edge of the fishtank so she could have a closer look at the plate, her tail swishing like an angry cat. "I'm not having motherfucking bananas. I bet you've been using them to pleasure yourself up the cunt. Slapper."

"Marigold, please don't swear."

"Fuck off! I'll do what I bastarding like. You're not the one stuck in a fucking tank with people gawping at you all day long."

"I don't gawp at you." Andrea handed Marigold a sliver of peach, which the mermaid greedily ate, smacking her coral coloured lips.

"Yes, you do. I know what you're up to. You knock on the walls of the tank to make sure I'm still alive, but it's not really because of that, is it? You just like annoying me."

"Whatever you say."

Marigold snorted, and dipped her fingers in the water next to her to clean them. "You got any grapes?"

"No. I'll get you some when I go shopping."

"Good. I like them. I can eat them like you do apples. By the way, I've got two clients coming in this afternoon, so I want this cunting tank cleaned out by then, or I'm going to pretend you neglect me and have someone call the RSPCA or something."

"Ok."

"And I want some new clothes. I'm sick of only having three fucking bikini tops. I want a cardigan for the winter."

"Yes, Marigold." Andrea plopped the last of the fruit into the tank and shooed Marigold back into the water so she could put the lid back on.

-

The first client woke Marigold up from her afternoon nap. The bastard was three minutes early and she wasn't ready.

"Fuck off! Andrea! You're not supposed to let these wankers come in early."

It was a new client, someone called Paulette Simmons. She looked nervous. "Hello," she said, bending down to peer into the tank, smiling gormlessly like Marigold was a three year old child.

"What do you fuckin' want then? And step away from the tank, you look like your ruddy gormless, fucking hell, I seen better things in the gutter zonked out on heroin. What do you want?"

Paulette blinked like a startled something. "Just a quick one. I want to move in with my boyfriend, but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. How much do you charge for that?"

"we'll see at the end, won't we? Waste of my fucking time, I'll charge you whatever I damn well like dependin' on what mood I'm in at the end. Got that?"

"Yes. Ok."

Marigold squinted through the glass. "Take this lid off, would you? I can't see through the glass properly - you've got a bollock for a head."

Paulette tugged the black plastic lid off the tank, and Marigold poked her head out of the water, regarding the young woman stonily. "Right then, you cunt. How do you want me to do it? Palm reading? Tarot? Good old fashioned crystal ball? Candle wax? Tea leaves?"

"Oh... um... tarot?"

"Right." Marigold disappeared below the surface again, and returned a few minutes later with her own, specially made set of tarot cards, tiny pieces of paper, painted on with waterproof paint and then laminated with Andrea's nail varnish.

Paulette was instantly charmed by the cards. "Oh, aren't they gorgeous! Did you make them all by yourself?"

"Yes, I'm not fucking simple, like you."

"Oh, but they're so tiny and wee."

Marigold rolled her eyes, and brushed a hunk of hair to one side of her face. "Oh good, you noticed! Do you think we can get on? I've got another one of you tossers coming in about an hour and I want you frigging gone so I can cleanse my auras or whatever the fuck it is. Now be quiet would you? I need to concentrate."

Paulette smiled expansively as Marigold began to shuffle the cards.

-

Andrea came in after Paulette had gone. "Did it go well?"

The mermaid shrugged. "Alright, I suppose." She rubbed her temples and winched.

"Are you ok?"

"My aching bollocks! What do you think? It takes it out of you, this fortune telling lark. That bird was a fucking fool. Hoe much did she give you?"

"£40. I think you impressed her."

Marigold smirked. "Well, fucking bully for her. I want a new filter thingy with some of that then - do you have any idea of how filthy this fucking water gets? It would help if you cleaned it out a bit more often."

"Yes, Marigold."

"Shut up! And I want a new pet. I want a salamander or something. You know, one of those little water lizards."

"Ok," Andrea said soothingly and closed the curtains to help Marigold's sore head before she left the room.